Certain things followed as we continued to use. We became accustomed to a state of mind that is common to addicts. We forgot how to work; we forgot how to play; we forgot about social graces. We acquired strange habits and mannerisms. We forgot how to feel. -Narcotics Anonymous book, pg. 6
We had to reach our bottom, before we were willing to stop. We were finally motivated to seek help in the latter stage of our addiction. Then it was easier for us to see the destruction, disaster and delusion of our using. It was harder to deny our addiction when problems were staring us in the face. - Narcotics Anonymous, pg.7
When I first began this journey called Recovery, I wandered into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous thinking that I just had a drug problem and if I could just get my drug use under control I would be all right. That misinformation was dismissed the first day that I stepped into treatment, however, I can’t say that my belief around that whole thing was changed. When I first read these paragraphs, and probably numerous times of reading them afterwards, I just didn’t get it.
At the age of 26, when I finally decided that I needed some help with my drug problem, I didn’t notice that I was unable to hold a job. I didn’t notice that not everyone’s morning began at noon after not sleeping at night. I didn’t notice that there were people that didn’t use while drinking to have fun or play. I also didn’t notice anyone or anything outside of the 10-block radius I called my hood. Feelings were a waste of my time and energy and had no place in my life.
Once I started working the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous and stopped using drugs, I was able to see that the drugs were just a symptom of my problem. My real problem was the disease of Addiction. By practicing the principles in the steps, I was able to experience a spiritual awakening. For me that is what happened when my spirit was awakened, I began to have more than just three emotions, I got better at expressing myself and became more Honest. I started to understand that Humility really only meant that I am human. I began to have fun and laugh again. Slowly I began to develop a work ethic and became Open-minded. As I look back at those early years in the beginning of my journey (Recovery), the literature planted the seed in those chapters before the steps. I needed to know what it was that I was dealing with before I began the spiritual transformation.